I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do vagina's smell?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They took my balls.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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