I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
