the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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