this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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