I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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