I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
