it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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