i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
