plz talk dirty to me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I deserve this hangover.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
