the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
