Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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