I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
