Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
