would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
