I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
