I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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