I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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