Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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