Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
