I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
