if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
