he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
