Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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