I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
