does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
