Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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