drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
