My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
