guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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