Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
