I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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