NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
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