Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
