Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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