oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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