He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
