That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
