you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
