i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
