Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
