Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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