Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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