none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
