hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
