wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
