At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
