Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
