I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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