Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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