i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
