hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
