I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
