How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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