dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We're too hungover to prance.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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