she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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