then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
